last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This is the high leading the old right now
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
