yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
