Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
