Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
