My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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