I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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