explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Mom said you looked used
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize