i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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