How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
