I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
