somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
