Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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