I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
