You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
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I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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