It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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