i just had sex bonerless
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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