this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
