I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
