ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
