Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
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I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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