after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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