...so i touched it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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