I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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