You're so nebulous sometimes
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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