I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
