don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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