what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
