So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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