If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
