After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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