she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
