Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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