Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
