While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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