He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I supernannyed him into submission
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
