sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
