It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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