my soul wont recognize me after tonight
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
