my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How naked do you want me to be?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
