She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
