his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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