Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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