i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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