Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
