____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
