Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
