Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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