I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
