you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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