i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
