i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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