God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
