So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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