Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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