I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
