She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
