Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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