Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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