I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
