I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
