Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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