8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
