Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
