She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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