Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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