why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
