RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
