at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
