you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
