OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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