My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Randomize
