FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
FUCK WHALES
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
