I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
