Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
