just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
